To the women of the world—(Or, at least, successful, smart, attractive women currently in college—)
I'm sorry.
I'm terribly sorry.
On behalf of men—wow—I'm sorry.
I would otherwise want to avoid generalization and so note that there must be wonderful exceptions to what I've got to say. But the countervailing truth subsumes these outliers. Sorry again.
Over the past two weeks I've had the chance to work quietly in cafes on or near the campuses of two great universities—at the Starbucks on Thayer Street (Brown) and Small World Cafe on Witherspoon Street (Princeton).
Wow—what I've heard—it's enough to break my heart.
Men: how do they do it? How can so many talented, compelling and good-looking ladies spend their lives frustrated by juvenile, inconsiderate and downright disrespectful behaviour?
Some snippets I overheard:
• Why can't he just call me back in a reasonable amount of time?
• I don't want commitment, but why is he terrified of planning something two weeks away?
• Can he not stop checking out other girls?
• I just want flowers. Once.
I could go on for pages.
Stupidly, women have been told to settle, or to wait, or to date an older, more mature and sensible man (though the strategy may not play well with your family, and rewarding late twenty-something men for having been early-twenty-something screw-ups leaves a sour taste, too).
Rather: guys—get it together. Really. You don't need to become superstars. But please, just listen to what your girlfriends say. Or ask your female friends for advice. (Yet not to show your sensitive side in order to hook up with them. Please!) Read this, too.Ladies: read the Lysistrata. A wellspring of good ideas.
Do lesbians get a reprieve? Gay men at least dress better. Or do dynamics of dominance and submission recreate more typically male-female gender dynamics?
Sorry to be heteronormative. Sorry to be discouraging. But men. Oh my. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I would wonder if college-age men got away with this bad behavior because of the gender ratio at many colleges and universities today, except that I met my husband at a college that was 70% female and he was and still is committed, respectful, honorable, oh, and also a lot of fun to be with. Anyway, a very interesting post, thanks for sharing your observations!
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