Be A Man

Be a man.

I've been told this, mostly at moments of perceived weakness. Not often, and when much younger than I am now, but often enough to remember clearly.

I still don't know what it means—to be a man.

The more I think about gender, in general and my own, I keep scratching my head trying to understand  what should be the easy-to-see, normal, normative, default status of "male."

Women stare.

Far more often than not, they avert their eyes.

Men's eyes tend to linger—penetrating insight into a difference between the two.

But gay men?  Eyelock must ensue?

What do people see when they look at me?

Patriarchy and misogyny exist and have tremendous force in creating our world.

Male-imposed, capitulated to by women, jointly created?

All of the above.

When women stare, they might make a glance at "what you're packin' inside that denim," to quote Ke$ha, a personal hero of mine, in one of her odes of feminist empowerment—or at abs or pecs, "t-shirt tight."

But more often they check in by checking out my face—they want to look into my eyes and, I imagine, to have me, to have anyone, look back into theirs.

But return a look, no less a stare, and down goes her glance.

Mysterious inexplicable sculpture.

Ani sings "self-preservation is a fulltime occupation," that "they'll stop at nothing when they know what you're worth:" so "you know I don't avert my eyes anymore in a man's world."

Few listen, from what I've seen.

We tend to be tits-and-ass focussed, at least when it comes to embodied values. Sports, illustrated, for instance, by the Swimsuit Edition.

If, to return to Ke$ha, power arises with "Daisy dukes showing off my ass / and when I walk past give the boys whiplash," then where does responsibility fall?

Why do blonde hair hair and blue eyes and broad shoulders attract so much attention?  What eternal desire can we not meet, must we keep seeking over and again at our own peril?

THRASHER?!?

So many questions, and a paucity of good answers amidst the proliferation of gender studies.  

To be a man. To be strong? To take charge, to control?

I must need to re-read Fanny Hill—you should take a look if you've never done so before.

Any tool is a weapon if you hold it right.